Impossible
by Sarah1281
Summary: A week before Anora's marriage to Cailan, she and Arden Cousland attempt to figure out what this means for them and if they're willing to keep up an impossible relationship. Warning: light femmeslash.


Impossible

Disclaimer: I do not own Dragon Age.

Note: This is for Kryyptehk who wanted pre-Cailan-wedding her HNF/Anora. If you don't want to see femmeslash, I recommend not reading this. If you read it anyway and have a problem with it then I really don't want to hear it as you have been warned.

"I am insanely jealous," Arden Cousland declared dramatically as she strode into the room of Anora Mac Tir – soon to be Anora Theirin.

"Of?" Anora asked politely as she ran a brush through her long golden hair, her eyes flickering to the reflection of the other girl in the mirror.

"Here let me," Arden offered, shutting the door behind her and moving to stand behind the future Queen. Anora looked a bit skeptically at Arden's typical blonde bun so she continued with, "Maker knows I have enough practice since my mother has the same hairstyle."

Anora obligingly relinquished the brush to Arden's waiting hands and closed her eyes as the Lady Cousland gently began to run it through her hair. Erlina would normally not let anyone in to see her when she was looking less than the strong, capable in-control girl made of ice but Arden had always been the exception. It wasn't like she was the type to let something so simple as a denial of permission keep her out anyway. "You didn't answer my question."

Arden laughed lightly as she fingered a strand of Anora's hair idly. "Of what? Of you, of course!"

"One would think that one Teyrn's daughter would not have much cause to be jealous of the other's daughter," Anora replied, purposefully misunderstanding what the other girl was saying.

Arden rolled her eyes. "You know exactly what I'm talking about, Lady Anora. Your wedding is in a week!"

"I hadn't realized that you were so eager to get married," Anora said, raising an elegant eyebrow in faux-surprise. Maric himself had only been declared dead three weeks ago and so it was mildly scandalous for the wedding to be occurring so quickly but Cailan was so young and inexperienced that everyone would feel a lot more comfortable if the daughter of the celebrated War Hero Teyrn Loghain were there to support him. Though the idea of being the 'support' was one that did not appeal to her at all that was only how it would work officially. Unofficially…Cailan had always been rather pliable. "As it happens, your mother gave me quite a different impression. I'm sure she'll be relieved to hear that she was mistaken."

Arden groaned. "Oh, please don't. I still haven't quite forgiven Fergus for telling her that I liked Bann Teagan."

Anora stiffened. "Oh?"

"Don't be like that," Arden urged. Having finished brushing, she perfunctorily began the familiar braiding process. "I just mentioned offhand that I found him charming and, frankly, he is. I have no idea why he's still single."

"If that is your attempt to assure me that you're not interested then you're failing miserable, Arden," Anora said icily.

Arden sighed. "Well, let me put it this way. Eamon may be an Arl but Teagan is a _Bann_. I could never settle for that no matter how charming he was."

"I don't like hearing about your interest in men," Anora said firmly.

"At least _I'm _not the one getting married," Arden countered.

"This wasn't my choice!" Anora objected. "It's been arranged since I was still in my swaddling clothes. You knew this before we even started."

"True," Arden admitted. "And it's not like I'm not jealous of you anyway."

"_You_ want to marry Cailan?" Anora asked skeptically. "I don't want to marry Cailan. I'm very fond of him, of course, but he's barely twenty and he may be reasonably discrete but I'm not blind. He won't last a month into our marriage before turning to someone else."

Arden made a face. "That's a cheerful thought. At least there is nothing to stop you from doing the same."

"Except the fact that if he does it, it's his royal prerogative. If I'm caught then not only would that put the heir status of any children I have in question but it would make me out to be a harlot. And should _Cailan_ have any children that would also make them see me as a concubine," Anora said heatedly, her eyes flashing. "And would you believe that Cailan came up to me all excited just yesterday telling me how he'd found out that he had a little half-brother? If his existence hadn't been hidden, you know what that would have meant for Queen Rowan. And Cailan…he sees nothing wrong with this."

"Okay, so maybe it's not the thought of marrying Cailan that appeals to me," Arden conceded. "Especially since we grew up together! No matter how suave he may look now I remember an awkward little boy whose voice kept cracking."

"That didn't seem to stop you when you went after that knight of yours," Anora pointed out.

Arden winced. "Can we not talk about him please?"

"It ended badly?" Anora hazarded a guess.

"More like it never took off the ground," Arden reported gloomily. "I had seen him when I was younger but missed most of his growing-up years and so when I saw him again…**wow**. I suppose I should be grateful that he didn't try to use me to increase his station but…" she trailed off, a little embarrassed.

"He wasn't interested?" Anora supplied, almost sympathetically.

"No, I think he was," Arden insisted although she had no way of knowing for sure or if she just clung to that belief to appease her wounded pride. "But he was worried about his precious _knighthood_. Apparently, I wasn't worth the risk."

"I think you're worth the risk," Anora said sincerely, wanting to erase the hurt in Arden's eyes and feeling the irrational desire to crush this anonymous knight whose identity the other girl had never disclosed. "Although given your apparent disinterest in those you grew up with I'm not sure why you ever fell for me."

"I don't like those I grew up with because then they saw me during all my awkward stages and I've seen them through all of theirs," Arden explained. She finished one of Anora's buns then kissed the top of her head as she pinned it up and moved on to the other one. "But you…you've never been awkward."

"It's nice to know I succeeded in giving off that impression even back then," Anora mused. "A noble has no room for weakness, you know."

"Maybe," Arden said noncommittally. "I know that I couldn't put as much thought into everything I do and you always do. Still, even if you have to marry Cailan to get it, you're still getting to become the Queen."

"Queen-Consort, technically," Anora amended. "But Cailan being, well, Cailan I imagine my role will be far greater than that of a mere heir producer. I've been raised for this and I will do an excellent job. Hardly modest, I know, but it's the truth and there will be plenty of time for false modesty later. Besides, Cailan's never really shown an interest in the art of ruling. Not like you."

"Well you know me," Arden said with an easy shrug. "I've wanted to be Queen since I was four. But _noooo_. Apparently you had to have an arranged marriage with Cailan."

"Your life must be so difficult at times," Anora deadpanned.

"Sometimes I weep at the unfairness of it all," Arden agreed solemnly clearly fighting a smile. "Still, if there's anyone that can keep this nation running and prevent Cailan from doing something stupid in a misguided attempt to match 'Maric the Savior' then it's you." She was quiet for a moment as she continued to braid Anora's hair before she softly continued with, "I wish _I_ could marry you."

Anora froze. "Arden?"

Arden smiled wistfully. "Don't worry, Anora. I'm not going to do anything stupid. You can't be Queen without marrying Cailan and even if you could you still couldn't marry another girl."

"If you know it's so impossible then why do you wish it?" Anora asked quietly.

"I don't know," Arden confessed. "When everyone asked my brother why he wanted to marry an Antivan he said 'The heart wants what the heart wants'."

"I've always thought that was rather a stupid thing to say," Anora remarked. "It just means that they can't think of a proper explanation and so they fall back on useless romantic statements."

"Is that your way of saying you don't want to marry me?" Arden asked, trying and failing to keep her voice casual as she quickly finished up with Anora's second bun and pinned it up before stepping back quickly.

Anora caught her wrist. "There's no point in wishing for Cailan not to be the new King or for Ferelden to allow us to marry but…just the same…I do love you and I want to keep you in my life come husbands or politics or whatever else life may throw at us."

Anora really didn't enjoy exposing such vulnerabilities but she decided that ultimately it was worth it as Arden was smiling again. "It's not perfect but then I despise perfection. Anora…I really do think that I can live with that."

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